Awesomeness Bleeds Out My Ears

Man, I am the best average student ever!  I procrastinate on everything; it's a huge problem.  Three papers due this week and what am I doing all day Sunday?  Reading manga, reading wikipedia, cleaning the cat box, planting my garden, reading about movies I'll never watch on IMBD, cooking dinner, taking out the trash, reading more manga, taking a shower.....and finally, begrudgingly, doing my paper.

the fruits of my roommate's procrastination -scones!

The other week, when I really should have been studying for my wetland ecology midterm, I was instead gardening (again), cleaning, and just generally dicking around.  It's a really bad habit, and for anyone who's not in the habit of procrastinating, I would advise you not to start.  Also, I hate you.  I would love to be someone who gets things done quickly and has free time afterwards.  I should be that person.

douche!  your hair is in my effin way!

But, no matter how much I tell myself that I need to get things done right away, I always wind up procrastinating until the last minute.  Usually, it only ends up in a slightly less than ideal paper (slightly incoherent by the end) and me missing out on sleep that night.  Which is crazy, because I love to sleep!  If I'd just get on it, I'd get it done and be amazingly less stressed out.

cats are the luckiest

I know all that.  I know a million reasons to not procrastinate, but no amount of logic can overcome my lazy and contrary nature.  Maybe if I start telling myself I'll do it at the last minute, I'll get it done early?  Who knows.  The point is, I'm a bad student in many respects.  I think I'm average in that everybody I know does it, but I don't think it's good.

my dog.  I'm not the one who did this to her.

On the other hand, if I had disastrous results from doing this, I'd probably stop.  I tell myself that I don't care what grade I get, so long as I pass.  It's true, in a way.  If I really gave a crap, I'd work harder on each paper, revise it, do it ahead of time, put forth real effort, etc.  So I must not really care, but when it comes down to it, I do care a little bit.

the paraphernalia makes it look like I was working, but you know i'm not because the cat is there 

Once I turn in a paper, I worry endlessly that I did something wrong -for example, in my last midterm paper, I didn't cite any readings.  At the time, I thought it was fine because I only alluded to the readings -the paper was about my opinion.  I liked the way it was written and the epiphany I had while writing it, but for the following week after I turned it in, I was slightly anxious/disappointed that I'd probably done it wrong and wasn't going to get a good grade.

"I am the starbucks lady.  kneel before me"

oh the things I do while bored in class

Similarly, for Wetland Ecology, I barely studied for the midterm.  Most of my studying took place the night before and the morning of, in the class before, and right before we had to put our materials away.  I looked at the test, pulled out my Green Book (recycled version of Blue Books), and began rambling away about gleyed soils and inundation and chemical reduction in the soils.  I got nervous because I was only marginally confident, and the teacher is scary and my advisor.  But, I did my average-est.

me and my little garden

So, you might be wondering how it all turned out.  Shall I tell you?  Yes, yes I shall.  On my Wetland Ecology midterm, I crossed my fingers, hoping against hope for a C.  When the teacher was passing the tests back, he gave me a funny look and handed me mine.  93%.  Heck yes!  'I must be a genius!' I thought.  I seriously considered jumping up on the table and dancing.

her new favorite thing is the filthy dishrag I threw on the floor

As for the other class's  midterm (Cultural/Political Ecology, btw), I worried helplessly that she would think I plagiarized or something and fail me or send me to the Dean to be punished or something.  Worry, worry, worry.  I get my paper back this morning, and it's a 96% with the comments, "Very good thinking.  May I have a copy for my notes?"

totally unrelated note.  and those are my  toes

And that's why I'm awesome!

also, you know you're jealous of my ability to hard-boil eggs perfectly

Integrity and Responsibility: Welcome to College (part 2?)

It's Wednesday.  This morning was very rainy, like it's been of late.  I'm a girl, so I don't know how to walk in the rain without soaking the hems of my jeans.  Once upon a time I owned a pair of rainboots, but they fell apart at the heel, so now I've taken to wearing my fancy clearance hiking boots as rainboots.  They aren't waterproof, but they're comfortable, good quality, warm, and keep me dry.  Plus, I can tuck my pant leg into them and keep that drier, although half the time I just wear a dress and sweater tights.

So, this morning I got to class late because I left my house late, almost missed my bus (it came early), and then the bus broke so we all had to pile into another bus.  All this put me in an inexplicably negative mood.  I skipped breakfast, so by the time I got to school, my hunger made me even crabbier.  There was no line at the coffee shop, so I ordered a chocolate croissant (YUM) and a hot tea.  I got my tea bag, and the dumb bitches working at the counter were yapping about unemployment.  It took them way too long to get my damn tea, and I was about ready to tear them a new one.  I went to class instead, and spent most of it eating my croissant.  Chocolatey goodness.

A little birdie by my work last week

For the hour or so after class, I hung out with my friend.  We chatted.  It was fine.  Now she's in her next class and I'm here, merely skirting the existence between the time class ended and I have to go to work later.  If I were a productive student, I would be working on my final paper for my senior project class.  Yeah, I could be doing that.  I even have Word open with my name and the class written down.  I also have the topic of the paper out.  For all intents and purposes, it looks like I'm working on my homework.

my kitties love each other

I'm not.  Clearly, I'm here writing this instead.  There's also Facebook.  Welcome to College.  Time management is a skill I've learned -theoretically, I can manage my time perfectly.  It's motivation that's the problem.  I don't want to do my homework.  So I'm not.  I'm here, using up an open computer when there might be other people who need it.  I don't care.  There are at least 3 other open computers.  The best part is that to anyone not reading this over my shoulder, I could be doing legitimate homework.  Hi, creeper.

the city at night

I'll go to work in a while, grab some lunch (on my $10 budget; thank God it's payday).  Until then, I'm here just dicking around.  That's basically what college is like.  I'm really going to regret this later, but I live for the here and now, instant gratification, procrastination, and apathy.  I'll probably not write my paper at all.  Even if I could spit it out rather quickly.

it was really rainy yesterday

That's the way college really is, don't let any achievers tell you differently.  Sometimes you do a paper on time, but for the most part, college feels like a game where I see how much I can possibly get away with using as little effort as possible.  I acknowledge the foolishness of this philosophy -I'm paying big bucks for school to what, be mediocre?  I encourage anyone to put forth the effort it takes to be amazing.  I probably will resent you for my own short comings, but don't let that stop you.

at the park

It's not only me that is this lazy.  I know of at least three more people equally as lazy.  Some are even lazier, but I've found a beautiful balance on the precipice, teetering between extreme procrastination and utter failure.  I get OK grades.  I think if I put in any less effort, I'd get bad grades.  I think I should put in more effort.  "I should," though, is not a convincing argument.  Logic fails to reason with my sleepy brain.

So it goes.

And so I go to lunch now.