Why Am I Awake?

I woke up this morning at probably about 4:00...it might have been later, and I'm just imagining being awake for over an hour.  That's the way it goes, early in the morning, you know?

Anyway, I've been sick this week with a cold.  It's nothing horrible, but I have had a fever, and when I get a fever, I tend to get really delirious and stupid.  So, I went to bed early, but not that early...I didn't get the greatest sleep.

First, I dreamt something about something, where I was in a  house, and I woke up in the night.  So I went downstairs to get something.  There was a person coming, I quick turned off the lights, and stood there frozen in darkness as that person walked around, perhaps looking for whoever was down there.  I don't know why they didn't turn on the lights.  Eventually, they must have realized it was just me, because they stopped and stood there, and the beating of my heart grew too loud, so I went and hugged them.

Then we left the downstairs, and ended up in part of my grandparents' house before they renovated it.  It was really creepy, and there were a bunch of people there.  As it so happened, they were people from Harry Potter -there was Hermione and Ron being all lovey dovey with each other, and I was Harry (not the first time I've dreamed I was him) and that slut Ginny was all trying to love up on me.

I rebuked her, made everyone there sign a guestbook, and then grandly announced that I was going to go defeat Voldemort.  They raised a toast to me, and watched me walk out the door.  In this version of HP, I just walked through the woods.  The first Deathly Hallow was where I just had to wear the invisibility cloak.  Then the lighting changed, and I had to use the stone-thingy to get my dead family to walk with me.

Then, instead of the elder wand, I took off the cloak, death found me, I died.  When I looked up, Draco Malfoy was leading me to see Voldemort and kill me.  I didn't particularly mind.  He tried to tie me up, but they couldn't figure out how, so I suggested they just gag me with a necktie.

Draco and all the bad guys ran around looking for something to gag me with.  I kind of followed him, because I didn't know what else to do, and because I wanted to look around.  Come to think of it, it wasn't so much a bad guy's woodsy hideout, as the Christmas section in Walmart -seriously, it was literally that.  I told them it looked like my mom's basement before she got rid of a bunch of Christmas stuff.  They laughed.

They then decided that they liked me, and decided not to tie me up at all -or I guess they forgot.  Mrs. Malfoy gave me a dying orchid, and I told her it looked like a butthole.  It shriveled a little more.  At some point, I realized that in the book, either Crabbe or Goyle becomes a bad guy, so in my dream, one of them tried to kill me and Draco stopped him.

Then Voldemort showed up, reminiscent of the KKK dude in American History X, and I was really worried because I didn't want to see Muggles being tortured.  I started talking about how if we can interbreed and produce viable offspring, we're the same species, with the same dna, and magic doesn't mean anything.  Then it turned into a big screen video on how to make mixed drinks.

The guy hosting the video was some famous chef, and he was saying how "just remember, no matter how big you are, for every one shot of hard alcohol, drink 1/4 cup of salt water."  Then Voldemort was hanging out at the bar with a drunk lady who was waiting for her daughter.  The lady pulled a margarita out of her purse and started drinking it, and they were all giggling.

And then I woke up, rolled around thinking for what seemed like forever, and realized I was hungry.  So I ate two microwave burritos, read a little, and now I kinda wanna go back to bed.

I think it's worth mentioning that A.) I don't particularly like Harry Potter or remember very much of anything past the 3rd or 4th book, and B.) that's the second HP dream where I was him that I've had in the last month.    I kind of like my versions better.  They're funnier.

As a Pseudo-Teacher...

...I find it appalling  how little time some parents are willing to spend on their children.


This stems from something that happened at work today:  My boss was doing an orientation with a family that might want to sign up for the program.  I had to walk in and get extra work for a student.  As I was in there, I heard the dad say, "Well, the biggest thing is that...we don't like to spend time doing their homework with them...I'm busy..."


Now, I've heard the "busy" excuse probably -not exaggerating- five hundred times.  I've been working this job, teaching little kids to read, write, and do basic math (as well as helping older students with more advanced stuff when I have time), for two years now.  This might be the first time I've heard a parent flat-out say that they do not like to sit down and work on homework with their kids.


And it really makes me angry.  I am not saying people don't have their own circumstances.  There are many, many people out there who literally don't have the time to sit down and help their kids with stuff -because they're working several jobs just to put food on the table, keep a roof over their heads, have utilities, etc.  It's unfortunate, but a kid's not going to be able to do homework without those things anyway.  And, I understand being super busy some of the time.


But most of the parents who enroll their kids in expensive after-school programs (although Kumon is probably one of the best deals, frankly speaking) are, from what I've seen, well-off.  Not all of them, but most of the parents make good money to be able to shill out 100 or 200 bucks a month for supplemental education.  They probably do work a lot, and work hard, for what they have.


You know what else they have?  Children.  Children who want, more than they want toys or fancy things, their parents' love, affection, and attention.  I understand being busy, but for crying out loud -spend fifteen minutes a day to help your kids with their homework!  Show them that you care about what they're learning, that you want them to understand it, that you value them.  Life's not about grades -don't spend zero time with them, and then get angry when they aren't perfect.

I helped the student who wrote this learn to write -how cool!

Speaking of grades, in my direct experience, children whose parents are actively involved in their education learn better, and tend to subsequently get better grades.  I can usually tell which students' parents actually give a damn, because those students turn in all their work completed, with mistakes marked and corrected, and they improve over time.  This is especially true for reading, and especially for the little ones I work with.


Teachers only see kids for so much of the time.  Parents, it's your job to raise your child, it's your job to teach them when the teacher is not there.  Children learn constantly, not just from 8-3 when they are in school.  If they are not having trouble in school, still talk with them about their homework, and get involved so that they can excel, and know that you care.  If a child is not learning well in school, take the time to go over stuff at home.


I don't like hearing excuses like "I'm always busy."  I never, ever ask a parent to hover -in fact, I find that just as detrimental.  Hovering tells a child that you don't think they are capable of doing it on their own, that they have to be absolutely perfect all the time, and that they can never make a mistake or take the time to think about things.  Children do best when their parents are gentle guides.


In summation, you're paying good money (my paychecks!) to send your kids to get an education.  Take a few minutes out of the TV time, or morning make-up time, or even during dinner, to get involved and get your moneys' worth.  But do it mostly because you love your children, believe in them, and want to nurture them.  If you aren't going to make them your top priority, why did you bother having children in the first place (is how I feel)?

Finals -fin!

Yay!  Finals are over as of last week (Tuesday morning, for me), and I've got my grades.  Drumroll, please...

pretty park from last week

...AND the results are:
Calculus: B
Film Studies: A
Senior project: A

YAY!  My GPA is now....3.27 :D  That's a major improvement compared to my freshman year (when I was lucky to get it up to almost 3.0)

same park, this week

I don't want to jinx it, but my grades have been improving as I go through college and mature as a person -meaning my GPA has also been improving.  I think if I were able to go through school long enough, I could eventually get a 4.0 for a term, straight A's.  But, that's a moot point because if I was in school long enough, I wouldn't have to take classes for my major, and could choose easy classes.

pr

case in point: I BSd this an hour before it was due

Like communications -cough i mean, comm is a great major-

this was my final "reaction" to a film screened in class

Anyway, finals time.

If you haven't been to college, you probably pictures finals time as a time when just about everyone buckles down, holes up, and hits the books.  You know, pasty college kids staying up all night writing papers, cramming for stuff they forgot, study groups in quiet rooms, not a lot of partying, and coffee all around (maybe even some adderall).  

found by the math dept. in NewBooger Hall

Maybe it's because my college isn't "traditional" (it's a working man's college), but my college is nothing like that.  "Dead week" -the week before finals isn't really dead; there's lots of on campus activities, presentations, and business-as-usual.

business as usual: my cat sitting on the internet

Personally, for finals, I go through dead week super excited to be almost done with the term.  By the time the weekend before finals starts, I realize I should probably look over my notes and study.  I make plans to study for all these hours, schedule study sessions, get out my books and notes, and then they just sit there, forgotten, as I watch TV, internet, and (my favorite) sleep.

This leads to a slight panic about what to do for the final I have coming up tomorrow/in an hour.  For example, this year, I had 2 finals on Monday and one early on Tuesday.

a drawing of me by one of my students

  I DID do a good job of writing my final reflection for my senior project 5 days before it was due, but the 5 minute oral presentation that was supposed to accompany it?  Didn't start practicing, or even think about what to say, until about 20 minutes before I had to do it.  I COMPLETELY winged it as I did my bit presenting our group project.

My film studies final?  Brought my textbook and flipped through it over a bowl of soup about half an hour before the class.  By the time the final started, I was ready to be gone.  We watched 2 short films twice, but I only watched them each once.  I was done with my entire final for that class in about 15 minutes.  I got 23/25 on it.

Seriously, this guy is trying to make me look like a good student or something.  I'll tell you this much: I didn't write WENDY + LUCY drunk

My calculus final was tricky.  It was early, so last minute cramming wouldn't be useful.  Instead, I started my notes the night before, got tired or possibly bored, so I went to bed.  I planned to wake up early at 5 to finish my notes.  I had to leave by 7, so that left 2 hours to study and get ready.  5 am come, my alarm went off, I got pissed and let it ring until 6.  I hastily scrawled out the rest of my first page of notes, and for the second page, just tore out a random sheet from my class notebook.

That was actually pretty diligent of me!  I'm making myself sound bad, but it's true.  Most people I know are so tired of their classes that by finals, they don't care.  They half-ass their way to success, failure, or mediocrity.  As my roommate says, "It's so nice to see a whole term of work summed up into a tiny little letter."

my cats in the window on the beautiful part of a day

My advice to any new-to-college or not-yet-in-college homeskillets when it comes to finals is: actually study, and you'll rock it.  But, don't stress out either.  It's not worth getting an ulcer over, and if you give yourself an anxiety attack, you'll probably do worse than if you had skipped studying altogether.

My favorite part of finals week?

spending hours in front of a REAL fire in a bar with good friends?

IT'S OVER TIL NEXT TERM!!!! :D  NOW I GET TO BE POOR BUT HAVE FREE TIME!

In my boredom on Monday, I baked (and baked and baked) and I hate baking now

Chocolate chip

Peanut butter kiss

brownies

gummy tea cookies

A Long Post About Skip Beat

SKIP BEAT CAME OUT!!!  I've added a link to the latest chapter; Mech's awesome.  There's been some drama in the comments, it seems, so if you're here because you searched for Skip Beat, and you go over there, leave a comment with your name.

And it's a personal pet peeve of mine when people say things like "OMG PLEASE UPLOAD THE NEXT PAGE NOW OR I'LL DIE" (ok no one says that, but you get the idea).  Yeah, I get impatient, but if you need the raws that bad, go to baidu skip beat.  You can translate the page (ish) with Google translate, or something.  It's not English, but it should tide you over.  I mean, what's the rush?  The next chapter isn't out until Dec. 20 and if you take it easy on the newest chapter, the time can go by much faster.  

Sometimes I don't know if people think of it, but scanlators are doing you a favor.  They understand what's going on -they're sharing it with you from one fan to another, because they want to.  They have jobs and families and lives in REAL LIFE, and if they're too tired, they shouldn't have to worry about scanlating.  Once upon a time, I too was a translator, and I feel terrible about it, but I couldn't handle (at the time) full time school, work, and translating.  I had to give it up because real life comes first.

Sorry about the little rant there, mooooooooving on!

here, have something cute just a little extra skip beat art

Onto what I WANTED to talk about...I love Skip Beat.  Too often, Shojo manga features a weak female who can only love an undeserving guy.  In Skip Beat, Kyoko gets dumped by her childhood friend/pseudo-boyfriend Sho who manipulated her into running away from Kyoto to Tokyo with him to help him.  Maybe a year after they're there, she finds out he was only using her, they fight, he dumps her, she decides to get revenge.  And on the path to revenge, she does NOT fall back in love with Sho.  So far, she hasn't admitted to falling in love with anyone.

The character I like best, though, is the male lead Ren.  He's the top celebrity dream-boat hunk gentleman -the ideal guy- but as Kyoko gets to know him, he's got a pretty dirty past.  He's not a perfect gentleman, he can sometimes be a jerk, too.  Even the bad guy isn't that bad, just kind of an immature prick.  Most of the characters in Skip Beat are pretty round.

WARNING, SPOILERS BELOW

In the preceding chapters (to Act 167), Ren is acting as fake-actor Cain Heel to play BJ the serial killer.  The president Lory has placed Kyoko as Setsu Heel, Cain's little sister.  Lory said it was to make sure Ren eats, but he calls Kyoko an "omamori," a protective charm against evil.  What evil?  Apparently, Kuon had a friend/sempai/mentor named Rick who was hit by a car and killed (?) while running to/from/after Kuon.  A lady with a ring held Rick and called Kuon a murderer. 

Living as the character Ren has helped Kuon seal away this trauma, and seal away Kuon.  Kuon is now Ren, and Ren seems to be modeled after Rick.  As my friend said, "if he isn't careful, he's going to end up with multiple personality disorder."  There's a fine line between Kuon and Ren, deep inside, because acting roles aside, Kuon/Ren is truly the same person with one personality.  There might be many facets to it, and it might not be flat, but somewhere in there lies his TRUE self.

While filming for Dark Moon, Ren almost hit a dumbass young child who ran into the street and his stupid grandmother, bringing up his worst trauma.  Ren freaks out, and is only reached by the warmth of his omamori, Kyoko, who came running when she heard the tires screech.  One thing that I think is being overlooked is the use of the stuntman.  Yashiro and Ogata are pressuring Ren to use a stuntman next time after this fiasco.  Ren always wants to do things himself.  I can't say what yet, but I think that this stuntman is symbolic, or has broader implications, to Ren.  

In 167, Ren is torn.  He "knows" that he must never forget his past, that he must seal Kuon away, but at the same time, he really wants to be with Kyoko.  The time is fast approaching when he must choose -the painful past or an uncertain future with a girl he thinks doesn't love him.  He truly thinks that Kyoko only pities him or feels obligated as a kohai.  When she calls, he ignores her.  

We see Kyoko's reaction.  She's agonizing, worried, over Ren.  When he calls her back, she smiles and blushes adorably.  But he doesn't see this.  Is he going to fire her because he doesn't want to forget his past?  Is he going to confess everything to her (his past, his trauma, his love)?  Is he just going to talk?  I really can't tell you, because Skip Beat often goes in an unpredictable direction.

Whatever he says, I'm hoping that Kyoko says something cute.  Ren has good reason to think she really doesn't love him; she hides it very well.  Still, I think that she started falling in love with him from the last chapter in Volume 13 (whatever chapter) when he kisses Corn and she thinks "I thought I'd fall under an evil spell."  I think Kyoko is also coming to a precipice.  She's also torn between never reliving her past (i.e. never falling in love again) and moving forward.  Soon, she's going to have to choose what's most important to her -her pride or her desire.

Personally, I tend to see things in shades of grey.  Ren can be Kuon and have Kyoko, if he handles it right, and if she is forgiving (ummm...).  Most importantly, Ren can move forward, live for himself, and be happy while still remembering Rick.  Isn't that the way it goes?  When something awful happens to someone you care about or were close to, you want to blame yourself, saying you could have prevented it.  But there will come the point where you're still alive, and you have to decide to forgive yourself (or even others) in order to move past it.  Ren doesn't have to forget Rick; he should use his death as a reminder to never use violence against another person.

Kyoko can also have her past with Sho as a learning experience.  Now she knows what mindless devotion can do to oneself.  She knows better what love should look like.  I don't want her love for Ren to be anything like her love for Sho.  Each love is different, each person is different, their relationship is different, and she's not going to overcome her issues if she's always thinking of Sho.  I think she should just forgive him and live her life.  That would be the best revenge in the end :D

Anyway, I've rambled for farrrr too long >_< sorry!  I got excited and I'm tired, so the words just flow out.  If you read all this, THANKS!  Lol

I'm Slowly Descending Into Madness

Or quickly.  I am so obsessive.  I've been this way since I was little.  When I was little, if I liked a movie, I'd put it in the VCR, watch it, rewind it, watch it again.  Repeat process at least once.  I also read and re-read books obsessively.  Back to back.  I could listen to music, the same song, over and over and over and over and over.  I drove people crazy.

My dad was like Zim:


and I was like:


And, to tell the truth, I'm still like that.  When The Princess and the Frog came out and my boyfriend got me the bootlegged Mexican version, I watched it daily.  I also watched the Sy-Fy version of Alice multiple times right after it came out.  I buy books, especially manga, and read them four times right after I buy them.  Then I read them...A LOT.  I don't know, but I know most of my favorite series almost by heart.  Don't even get me started on songs.  I'm like a living "Repeat" button.

So now I'm obsessively checking baidu for the newest chapter of Skip Beat or Code:Breaker.  If I don't watch myself, it would be every five minutes.  I also check Hyperbole and a Half about five times a day.

I'm going crazy here, people!  Throw me a bone!

Amendment to the Previous Post

Alright. I wrote the stupid paper. It took me about 45 minutes to churn out almost 3 pages of my innermost reflections. Or something. Anyway i finished a paper 5 days before it's due. And a lady at a coffee shop called me a teenager. Fuck today.

Integrity and Responsibility: Welcome to College (part 2?)

It's Wednesday.  This morning was very rainy, like it's been of late.  I'm a girl, so I don't know how to walk in the rain without soaking the hems of my jeans.  Once upon a time I owned a pair of rainboots, but they fell apart at the heel, so now I've taken to wearing my fancy clearance hiking boots as rainboots.  They aren't waterproof, but they're comfortable, good quality, warm, and keep me dry.  Plus, I can tuck my pant leg into them and keep that drier, although half the time I just wear a dress and sweater tights.

So, this morning I got to class late because I left my house late, almost missed my bus (it came early), and then the bus broke so we all had to pile into another bus.  All this put me in an inexplicably negative mood.  I skipped breakfast, so by the time I got to school, my hunger made me even crabbier.  There was no line at the coffee shop, so I ordered a chocolate croissant (YUM) and a hot tea.  I got my tea bag, and the dumb bitches working at the counter were yapping about unemployment.  It took them way too long to get my damn tea, and I was about ready to tear them a new one.  I went to class instead, and spent most of it eating my croissant.  Chocolatey goodness.

A little birdie by my work last week

For the hour or so after class, I hung out with my friend.  We chatted.  It was fine.  Now she's in her next class and I'm here, merely skirting the existence between the time class ended and I have to go to work later.  If I were a productive student, I would be working on my final paper for my senior project class.  Yeah, I could be doing that.  I even have Word open with my name and the class written down.  I also have the topic of the paper out.  For all intents and purposes, it looks like I'm working on my homework.

my kitties love each other

I'm not.  Clearly, I'm here writing this instead.  There's also Facebook.  Welcome to College.  Time management is a skill I've learned -theoretically, I can manage my time perfectly.  It's motivation that's the problem.  I don't want to do my homework.  So I'm not.  I'm here, using up an open computer when there might be other people who need it.  I don't care.  There are at least 3 other open computers.  The best part is that to anyone not reading this over my shoulder, I could be doing legitimate homework.  Hi, creeper.

the city at night

I'll go to work in a while, grab some lunch (on my $10 budget; thank God it's payday).  Until then, I'm here just dicking around.  That's basically what college is like.  I'm really going to regret this later, but I live for the here and now, instant gratification, procrastination, and apathy.  I'll probably not write my paper at all.  Even if I could spit it out rather quickly.

it was really rainy yesterday

That's the way college really is, don't let any achievers tell you differently.  Sometimes you do a paper on time, but for the most part, college feels like a game where I see how much I can possibly get away with using as little effort as possible.  I acknowledge the foolishness of this philosophy -I'm paying big bucks for school to what, be mediocre?  I encourage anyone to put forth the effort it takes to be amazing.  I probably will resent you for my own short comings, but don't let that stop you.

at the park

It's not only me that is this lazy.  I know of at least three more people equally as lazy.  Some are even lazier, but I've found a beautiful balance on the precipice, teetering between extreme procrastination and utter failure.  I get OK grades.  I think if I put in any less effort, I'd get bad grades.  I think I should put in more effort.  "I should," though, is not a convincing argument.  Logic fails to reason with my sleepy brain.

So it goes.

And so I go to lunch now.