Good Grief

I haven't been this stressed out about school in quite a long, long time.  Actually, the last time may very well have been second semester of 12th grade.  Or, probably not.

But I don't think it's coincidental that, as of 2011, I'm finally starting to fall into place as a rightful adult.  I'm being more diligent with my readings (actually keeping up!), getting homework done more or less on time, and giving a shit in general.  Actually, it might be coincidental?  Or correlation and causation.

Something like that.  School is kicking my butt, at any rate.  You'll be proud to know that despite that, we have been keeping the house relatively cleaner -I'm starting to get to the point that I like to!!!  Although, not when I'm tired.  And I'm often tired.  *(by the way, I kicked a hole in my wall when sleeping the other night...)

So, the consensus is that being busy severely inhibits my ability/will/capacity/etc to blog.  Which kinda sucks, considering this is a blog about being a student.  Comes with the territory I guess.

Why Am I Awake?

I woke up this morning at probably about 4:00...it might have been later, and I'm just imagining being awake for over an hour.  That's the way it goes, early in the morning, you know?

Anyway, I've been sick this week with a cold.  It's nothing horrible, but I have had a fever, and when I get a fever, I tend to get really delirious and stupid.  So, I went to bed early, but not that early...I didn't get the greatest sleep.

First, I dreamt something about something, where I was in a  house, and I woke up in the night.  So I went downstairs to get something.  There was a person coming, I quick turned off the lights, and stood there frozen in darkness as that person walked around, perhaps looking for whoever was down there.  I don't know why they didn't turn on the lights.  Eventually, they must have realized it was just me, because they stopped and stood there, and the beating of my heart grew too loud, so I went and hugged them.

Then we left the downstairs, and ended up in part of my grandparents' house before they renovated it.  It was really creepy, and there were a bunch of people there.  As it so happened, they were people from Harry Potter -there was Hermione and Ron being all lovey dovey with each other, and I was Harry (not the first time I've dreamed I was him) and that slut Ginny was all trying to love up on me.

I rebuked her, made everyone there sign a guestbook, and then grandly announced that I was going to go defeat Voldemort.  They raised a toast to me, and watched me walk out the door.  In this version of HP, I just walked through the woods.  The first Deathly Hallow was where I just had to wear the invisibility cloak.  Then the lighting changed, and I had to use the stone-thingy to get my dead family to walk with me.

Then, instead of the elder wand, I took off the cloak, death found me, I died.  When I looked up, Draco Malfoy was leading me to see Voldemort and kill me.  I didn't particularly mind.  He tried to tie me up, but they couldn't figure out how, so I suggested they just gag me with a necktie.

Draco and all the bad guys ran around looking for something to gag me with.  I kind of followed him, because I didn't know what else to do, and because I wanted to look around.  Come to think of it, it wasn't so much a bad guy's woodsy hideout, as the Christmas section in Walmart -seriously, it was literally that.  I told them it looked like my mom's basement before she got rid of a bunch of Christmas stuff.  They laughed.

They then decided that they liked me, and decided not to tie me up at all -or I guess they forgot.  Mrs. Malfoy gave me a dying orchid, and I told her it looked like a butthole.  It shriveled a little more.  At some point, I realized that in the book, either Crabbe or Goyle becomes a bad guy, so in my dream, one of them tried to kill me and Draco stopped him.

Then Voldemort showed up, reminiscent of the KKK dude in American History X, and I was really worried because I didn't want to see Muggles being tortured.  I started talking about how if we can interbreed and produce viable offspring, we're the same species, with the same dna, and magic doesn't mean anything.  Then it turned into a big screen video on how to make mixed drinks.

The guy hosting the video was some famous chef, and he was saying how "just remember, no matter how big you are, for every one shot of hard alcohol, drink 1/4 cup of salt water."  Then Voldemort was hanging out at the bar with a drunk lady who was waiting for her daughter.  The lady pulled a margarita out of her purse and started drinking it, and they were all giggling.

And then I woke up, rolled around thinking for what seemed like forever, and realized I was hungry.  So I ate two microwave burritos, read a little, and now I kinda wanna go back to bed.

I think it's worth mentioning that A.) I don't particularly like Harry Potter or remember very much of anything past the 3rd or 4th book, and B.) that's the second HP dream where I was him that I've had in the last month.    I kind of like my versions better.  They're funnier.

A Long Post About Skip Beat

SKIP BEAT CAME OUT!!!  I've added a link to the latest chapter; Mech's awesome.  There's been some drama in the comments, it seems, so if you're here because you searched for Skip Beat, and you go over there, leave a comment with your name.

And it's a personal pet peeve of mine when people say things like "OMG PLEASE UPLOAD THE NEXT PAGE NOW OR I'LL DIE" (ok no one says that, but you get the idea).  Yeah, I get impatient, but if you need the raws that bad, go to baidu skip beat.  You can translate the page (ish) with Google translate, or something.  It's not English, but it should tide you over.  I mean, what's the rush?  The next chapter isn't out until Dec. 20 and if you take it easy on the newest chapter, the time can go by much faster.  

Sometimes I don't know if people think of it, but scanlators are doing you a favor.  They understand what's going on -they're sharing it with you from one fan to another, because they want to.  They have jobs and families and lives in REAL LIFE, and if they're too tired, they shouldn't have to worry about scanlating.  Once upon a time, I too was a translator, and I feel terrible about it, but I couldn't handle (at the time) full time school, work, and translating.  I had to give it up because real life comes first.

Sorry about the little rant there, mooooooooving on!

here, have something cute just a little extra skip beat art

Onto what I WANTED to talk about...I love Skip Beat.  Too often, Shojo manga features a weak female who can only love an undeserving guy.  In Skip Beat, Kyoko gets dumped by her childhood friend/pseudo-boyfriend Sho who manipulated her into running away from Kyoto to Tokyo with him to help him.  Maybe a year after they're there, she finds out he was only using her, they fight, he dumps her, she decides to get revenge.  And on the path to revenge, she does NOT fall back in love with Sho.  So far, she hasn't admitted to falling in love with anyone.

The character I like best, though, is the male lead Ren.  He's the top celebrity dream-boat hunk gentleman -the ideal guy- but as Kyoko gets to know him, he's got a pretty dirty past.  He's not a perfect gentleman, he can sometimes be a jerk, too.  Even the bad guy isn't that bad, just kind of an immature prick.  Most of the characters in Skip Beat are pretty round.

WARNING, SPOILERS BELOW

In the preceding chapters (to Act 167), Ren is acting as fake-actor Cain Heel to play BJ the serial killer.  The president Lory has placed Kyoko as Setsu Heel, Cain's little sister.  Lory said it was to make sure Ren eats, but he calls Kyoko an "omamori," a protective charm against evil.  What evil?  Apparently, Kuon had a friend/sempai/mentor named Rick who was hit by a car and killed (?) while running to/from/after Kuon.  A lady with a ring held Rick and called Kuon a murderer. 

Living as the character Ren has helped Kuon seal away this trauma, and seal away Kuon.  Kuon is now Ren, and Ren seems to be modeled after Rick.  As my friend said, "if he isn't careful, he's going to end up with multiple personality disorder."  There's a fine line between Kuon and Ren, deep inside, because acting roles aside, Kuon/Ren is truly the same person with one personality.  There might be many facets to it, and it might not be flat, but somewhere in there lies his TRUE self.

While filming for Dark Moon, Ren almost hit a dumbass young child who ran into the street and his stupid grandmother, bringing up his worst trauma.  Ren freaks out, and is only reached by the warmth of his omamori, Kyoko, who came running when she heard the tires screech.  One thing that I think is being overlooked is the use of the stuntman.  Yashiro and Ogata are pressuring Ren to use a stuntman next time after this fiasco.  Ren always wants to do things himself.  I can't say what yet, but I think that this stuntman is symbolic, or has broader implications, to Ren.  

In 167, Ren is torn.  He "knows" that he must never forget his past, that he must seal Kuon away, but at the same time, he really wants to be with Kyoko.  The time is fast approaching when he must choose -the painful past or an uncertain future with a girl he thinks doesn't love him.  He truly thinks that Kyoko only pities him or feels obligated as a kohai.  When she calls, he ignores her.  

We see Kyoko's reaction.  She's agonizing, worried, over Ren.  When he calls her back, she smiles and blushes adorably.  But he doesn't see this.  Is he going to fire her because he doesn't want to forget his past?  Is he going to confess everything to her (his past, his trauma, his love)?  Is he just going to talk?  I really can't tell you, because Skip Beat often goes in an unpredictable direction.

Whatever he says, I'm hoping that Kyoko says something cute.  Ren has good reason to think she really doesn't love him; she hides it very well.  Still, I think that she started falling in love with him from the last chapter in Volume 13 (whatever chapter) when he kisses Corn and she thinks "I thought I'd fall under an evil spell."  I think Kyoko is also coming to a precipice.  She's also torn between never reliving her past (i.e. never falling in love again) and moving forward.  Soon, she's going to have to choose what's most important to her -her pride or her desire.

Personally, I tend to see things in shades of grey.  Ren can be Kuon and have Kyoko, if he handles it right, and if she is forgiving (ummm...).  Most importantly, Ren can move forward, live for himself, and be happy while still remembering Rick.  Isn't that the way it goes?  When something awful happens to someone you care about or were close to, you want to blame yourself, saying you could have prevented it.  But there will come the point where you're still alive, and you have to decide to forgive yourself (or even others) in order to move past it.  Ren doesn't have to forget Rick; he should use his death as a reminder to never use violence against another person.

Kyoko can also have her past with Sho as a learning experience.  Now she knows what mindless devotion can do to oneself.  She knows better what love should look like.  I don't want her love for Ren to be anything like her love for Sho.  Each love is different, each person is different, their relationship is different, and she's not going to overcome her issues if she's always thinking of Sho.  I think she should just forgive him and live her life.  That would be the best revenge in the end :D

Anyway, I've rambled for farrrr too long >_< sorry!  I got excited and I'm tired, so the words just flow out.  If you read all this, THANKS!  Lol

First Day Down!

So, I had my first day of classes today. Ask me how that went, go on. BLAH! Between "waking up" at 7:22 am (and finding my cat had tipped my crappy IKEA dresser over and spilled clothes everywhere), almost forgetting to brush my teeth, and putting my socks on upside down, I also managed to bring a dirty sock with me to the bus stop. I shoved that in my backpack.

I ALSO found out last night, much to my dismay, that a week and a half ago, I left a bag of edamame in my backpack. Yummy. They rotted and made the whole bag smell like death. So I did the reasonable thing and emptied it, and sprayed it full of body spray. I'll wash it tomorrow or something.

Anyway, so, I got to school about 10 minutes later than anticipated, but it was fine because I was still early. I got to my first class, Calculus, and the teacher is a kind of skinny, long-haired lunatic. Seriously, he's skinny, and dresses like an 80's meth dealer (or something, I'm not sure). But, he's energetic, and he seems to be pretty nice. He explains things. I wish I was awake enough to GET it.

Met up with my Calculus homie, and we hung out for a while -she bought me ice tea. We ran into my other friend, and went to the bookstore. What a mistake, going to the bookstore on the first day!!! ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS go the week or two before classes start!!! It's SO crowded the first day. But we endured it, and then just hung out in the Park Blocks. Met up with my other friend. They went to classes. I grabbed a salad for lunch (salad bar FTW).

My second class was my senior project, where in my case I'll be mentoring K-12 kids at a non-profit outdoor science inquiry program based near Mt. Hood. I'm excited; since I already basically teach, I am at ease with kids. Of course I'm always nervous the first day when I don't know what to expect, but I am really looking forward to this class. My biggest concern is transportation, since I'll be carpooling with the program manager and will have to wake up at like 4:30 or 5 am once a week. Knowing ME early in the morning...ehhhhhh.

Anyway, and then I killed some time in the coffee/bagel/bubble tea shop. I have an addiction to "seed" bagels -sesame and poppy, ohh yeah. I also drank some decaf tea. Next time, let's make it CAF! I read the free paper and found out M.I.A. (one of my current favorite artists) is playing here 10/18, but I probably won't go...(sad day) I also eavesdropped on the people around me.

Some dude and chick were talking about anime, and I was all "pssh, OTAKUS, losers" even though I really like manga -I just don't like much TV! But they were adults, and whatever. I also eavesdropped on these kids, and I laughed at them inside. The boy was your stereotypical gay boy, and he was all dressed up like a skater. The girls were so cute with their fancy makeup, fashionably uncomfortable clothes, styled hair, jewelery, etc. It was very elaborate, and I knew right away they were freshmen (you can always tell, especially the first day). Very few college people put much effort into their appearance, at least at my school, because we are all too damn busy to worry about what we look like. Anyway, the funniest thing, though, was that the boy had taken Japanese. OH HOW I LAUGHED. I took Japanese all 4 years of high school, and the first 2 terms of college. Let me say this: the Japanese program here, JSL, fucking BLOWS. If I tried, I could come up with, at maximum, 3 positive things to say about it. And that's if I REALLY tried. I feel like I should've warned the kid about that. Or at least given him the student counseling card. He'll need it if he's gonna stick with that.

After CC, I went to the Student Building, and hung out, and later met up with my friend. It was ridiculously hot and humid today, so we hung out in her dorm, just laying there, melting. I feel so gross, I can't even describe it. YUCK. It was nice to just cool off by laying still with my stupidly heavy backpack tossed aside and my shoes off.

Then it was time for the stupidest class ever -Intro to Film. I'm sorry, but I have an ingrained prejudice against indie-hipster white people. And this room was FULL of NOTHING but whities! Ok, I lie, there were 2 African dudes and 1 Chinese girl. But out of like 45 people, come on! And, most of them were quiet. But some of them weren't! THEY ANNOYED ME! All using their big, fancy, stuck-up words to make their stupid, mundane ideas seem smart.

Basically, I despise pretense, and these fuckers were pretentious hipsters all into their high-class film knowledge, I'm over it. Stop showing off how much you know about film, nobody cares but you tools. Films are fun to watch and can show important things about a society, tell messages, be beautiful, etc. BUT COME ON. They are NOT essential to mankind.

You know what's essential to mankind? Food, water, air, space, nature, and freedom. We can live without films. I guess what I'm trying to describe is how FRIVOLOUS movies are. I know I'm going to dread this class. Particularly since it's almost FOUR hours long, and gets out at 9:10. Meaning I'll have been on-campus more than 12 hours.

My attention span is just not going to be able to handle this shit. But, that's that for the "first day" report. Now I'm dead freaking tired, and gonna go PTFO!