Why Am I Awake?

I woke up this morning at probably about 4:00...it might have been later, and I'm just imagining being awake for over an hour.  That's the way it goes, early in the morning, you know?

Anyway, I've been sick this week with a cold.  It's nothing horrible, but I have had a fever, and when I get a fever, I tend to get really delirious and stupid.  So, I went to bed early, but not that early...I didn't get the greatest sleep.

First, I dreamt something about something, where I was in a  house, and I woke up in the night.  So I went downstairs to get something.  There was a person coming, I quick turned off the lights, and stood there frozen in darkness as that person walked around, perhaps looking for whoever was down there.  I don't know why they didn't turn on the lights.  Eventually, they must have realized it was just me, because they stopped and stood there, and the beating of my heart grew too loud, so I went and hugged them.

Then we left the downstairs, and ended up in part of my grandparents' house before they renovated it.  It was really creepy, and there were a bunch of people there.  As it so happened, they were people from Harry Potter -there was Hermione and Ron being all lovey dovey with each other, and I was Harry (not the first time I've dreamed I was him) and that slut Ginny was all trying to love up on me.

I rebuked her, made everyone there sign a guestbook, and then grandly announced that I was going to go defeat Voldemort.  They raised a toast to me, and watched me walk out the door.  In this version of HP, I just walked through the woods.  The first Deathly Hallow was where I just had to wear the invisibility cloak.  Then the lighting changed, and I had to use the stone-thingy to get my dead family to walk with me.

Then, instead of the elder wand, I took off the cloak, death found me, I died.  When I looked up, Draco Malfoy was leading me to see Voldemort and kill me.  I didn't particularly mind.  He tried to tie me up, but they couldn't figure out how, so I suggested they just gag me with a necktie.

Draco and all the bad guys ran around looking for something to gag me with.  I kind of followed him, because I didn't know what else to do, and because I wanted to look around.  Come to think of it, it wasn't so much a bad guy's woodsy hideout, as the Christmas section in Walmart -seriously, it was literally that.  I told them it looked like my mom's basement before she got rid of a bunch of Christmas stuff.  They laughed.

They then decided that they liked me, and decided not to tie me up at all -or I guess they forgot.  Mrs. Malfoy gave me a dying orchid, and I told her it looked like a butthole.  It shriveled a little more.  At some point, I realized that in the book, either Crabbe or Goyle becomes a bad guy, so in my dream, one of them tried to kill me and Draco stopped him.

Then Voldemort showed up, reminiscent of the KKK dude in American History X, and I was really worried because I didn't want to see Muggles being tortured.  I started talking about how if we can interbreed and produce viable offspring, we're the same species, with the same dna, and magic doesn't mean anything.  Then it turned into a big screen video on how to make mixed drinks.

The guy hosting the video was some famous chef, and he was saying how "just remember, no matter how big you are, for every one shot of hard alcohol, drink 1/4 cup of salt water."  Then Voldemort was hanging out at the bar with a drunk lady who was waiting for her daughter.  The lady pulled a margarita out of her purse and started drinking it, and they were all giggling.

And then I woke up, rolled around thinking for what seemed like forever, and realized I was hungry.  So I ate two microwave burritos, read a little, and now I kinda wanna go back to bed.

I think it's worth mentioning that A.) I don't particularly like Harry Potter or remember very much of anything past the 3rd or 4th book, and B.) that's the second HP dream where I was him that I've had in the last month.    I kind of like my versions better.  They're funnier.